Poor Mr. Whipple

By Dian Vujovich

If Mr. Whipple were around today, he’d probably be out of work if the environmentalists have their way.

In case you’ve forgotten, this kind-looking older moustached man was made famous in Charmin’s “don’t squeeze the Charmin” toilet paper ads that ran from the mid-1960s through mid-’80s.

He’d probably be considered a bit of a perv today but back then we were a kinder more innocent and naïve nation of people. And, telling women what to do while grocery shopping permitted.

So the deal is, apparently soft, fluffy toilet paper isn’t good from a Green lovers’ perspective. They’d prefer we use tougher feeling papers on our tushes. A number 2 grade of sandpaper perhaps?

Not for me.

Everyone from those with bony butts to bubble ones deserve the best bottom care around. Like the kind say Quilted Northern Ultra Plush infers it provides.

A couple of things I’ll bet you didn’t know about toilet paper and paper products, all from a WashingtonPost,com story today (http://tinyurl.com/yectygn ), include the following:

• Together, toilet paper and facial tissue account for 5 percent of the U.S. forest-products industry.

• Twenty-six percent is made up of paper and cardboard packaging products—more than half of that figure, however, is made from recycled products.

• And newspapers account for a mere 3 percent of all the trees in all the world cut down and used for paper products.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been to places on this planet where toilet paper was a complete unknown or pieces of it examples of a harsh reality.

You’ll find no tree-hugging loyalty from me on this one. I’m a fan of a pampered bottom at whatever the cost.

On the other hand, lumber futures could be an interesting play.